And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
