You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
