I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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