I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
