I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
