Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
