whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
