Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
