i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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