so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
