WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to calm my uterus...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
