We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
