I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
