When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
