so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
