The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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