READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
