Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
