Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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