put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
