I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
