by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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