At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
