He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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