I CAN MOONWALK!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
