I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
