it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
