We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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