she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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