Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
