guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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