i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
