I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
