I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
