i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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