And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
