Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I looked at my own cervix.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
