I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
