i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
