The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
