Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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