He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
