last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
