Just cropdusted the office
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
