Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
