new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
