so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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