I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am naked and annoyed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
