i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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