The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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