That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
