Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
