Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
